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Writer Caitlin Flanagan is a breast cancer survivor. I think that’s great. She has the courage to speak out about things that can put her on a "13 Women Who Make Us Cringe" list. I think her courage is great.
But that's about it for “great.”
Caitlin Flanagan preaches about marriage and parenthood and how our focus should be on the children. She criticizes working moms, while praising stay-at-home ones. (Even though she herself has had nannies and housekeepers.) Her recent article "Why Marriage Matters" is out in this week's Time Magazine.
“Why marriage matters” for Flanagan is because of the children. Her belief can be summed up here:
"Even though it was a gimmick-filled reality television, there seemed to be a bit of actual - even profound - truth in it. The underlying premise was that Jon and Kate Gosselin’s marriage was an enterprise dedicated not to making themselves happy but to taking care of the cavalcade of children they had produced, that they were laboring at something more significant than their own pleasure."
And here:
"Who is left to ensure that these kids grow up into estimable people once the Mark Sanfords and other marital frauds and casual sadists have jumped ship? The good among us, the ones who are willing to sacrifice the thrill of a love letter for the betterment of their children."
YUK.
Why I ignore Caitlin Flanagan is because she doesn't represent me.
I married my husband in 1987. We celebrate our 22nd wedding anniversary on August 1. We are part of the successful non-monogamous couples that are married with children.
Caitlin Flanagan doesn't want to recognize wives like me.
Wives like me can have it all, because we aren't afraid to challenge the rules. We can have a wonderful sex life with our husbands, because we know how to spice it up. We are wise enough to acknowledge that monogamy is overrated, rare with mammals and that in order for honest, non-monogamy to work for us, our marriages must be solid.
Non-monogamous couples have raised children who have earned good grades and who have achieved high test scores. We’ve raised children that are not drug addicted and who graduate at the top of their classes. We’ve raised athletes, and we've raised young people who are focused on their future jobs and goals. We’ve raised daughters who understand their bodies and who have not had abortions or become teenage mothers.
Honest non-monogamy means you don't have to sacrifice the "thrill of a love letter," the feel of a new body, the lust of new eyes for the sake of the children. We can experience sexual fulfillment throughout our marriages, despite the years, and still produce children who grow up to be "estimable people."
Show me a parent that is suffering for the "betterment of the children" and I’ll show you some fucked up children.
Jolie du Pre
